![]() The busier women are kept by pointing fingers at one another as the problem, the less attention goes to.well, The Problem. It’s crucial to note that opposing factions of women are rarely born in some destructively stereotypical “women hate other women” vacuum, but rather are carefully nursed in the hothouse laboratory that is patriarchy. This “still got it” population-increasingly reflected in the media, such as in The Divorce, as well as, And Just Like That (and other shows that do not star Sarah Jessica Parker!)-rejoices in the confidence age has bestowed upon them, delights in sex without the complications of pregnancy scares, feels more empowered in owning their desires rather than merely responding more to being desired, and sometimes also enjoys greater disposable income than they did in their youth, employing personal trainers, dashing in for Botox on their lunch breaks, and donning luxurious fabrics that make them feel hotter than ever. They may cringe when yet another peer in their age demographic claims to be post- sexual, no longer interested in-or of interest to-prospective romantic partners, and abandons make-up, heels, or other markers of conventional femininity. ![]() There is, of course, a loud, proud, and vocal contingent of women-of-a-certain-age who denounce these “invisibility” claims as either internalized misogyny or as women “giving up” and no longer caring about being attractive and sexy. ![]() None of this even begins to touch on the consternation of middle-aged and older women attempting to date, only to find that the men they consider viable partners are strictly interested in women fifteen years their junior. Far more may be thrilled to be ignored by strangers, but feel frustration, grief, or shame around the de-sexualization pushed upon them by all corners, from being commanded by magazines to cut their hair and dress in “age-appropriate” fashion (that offensively includes everything from no longer baring upper arms to not wearing jeans). Some miss the attention they once received. " Finally, I’m not being ordered to smile by random men on the street!" or, " I can be a person in the world without constantly being sexually harassed and subjected to the male gaze!" Others, however, are less overjoyed. First, let’s be clear: quite a number of these women are not issuing a lament but a proclamation of relief. It’s impossible to keep track of how many times I’ve heard or read this statement from women-some as young as 40, but increasingly as menopause hits, and beyond.
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